So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then? THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.
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